you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
