he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize