i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
