Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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