Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous

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(337): View more from Louisiana

And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."

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(662): View more from Mississippi

you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again

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(360): View more from Washington

tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"

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(208): View more from Idaho

I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it

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(319): View more from Iowa

GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET

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