Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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