I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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