I never want to see another naked old woman again.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
