Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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