Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
