I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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