She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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