Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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