I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
