they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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