I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
