How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize