; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
high people should be assigned attendants
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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