you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize