If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
