I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
