apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
