Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
