glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize