is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
