she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
