I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
