I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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