Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
