i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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