I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
