at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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