your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
