i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
