so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
