I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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