I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im holly from the hills drunk
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
