Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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