You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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