my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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