Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am one with the molecules
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
