It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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