I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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