I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
