Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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