You just made me feel so damn special
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
