I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
