Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
