Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
