Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
