brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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