I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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