Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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