Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
