Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
