YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
