i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
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