Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
