I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
