I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
