Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
