Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
