remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
