Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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