I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
