she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
