If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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