3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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