Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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