I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
