Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He passed out mid-signature
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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